Mother AND Wife??

How do you make this work, world?  I mean, forget the time constraints that a baby puts on you, how do you have the emotions to keep up the wife role?

I love my husband.  More than almost anything in the world.  Now, my baby is also the love of my life.  (Yes, it’s possible to have two totally different types of loves of your life!)  I still love my husband just as much, but taking care of our baby all day and night makes me feel like a 24/7 mother.  Intimacy with my husband is hard for me right now.  I’m always worried about the baby, even if she’s sleeping soundly or “playing” in her pack and play.  It gives me anxiety to even spend a few minutes making out with my husband.  “Is the baby alright?”  is the only thing I can think of.  I’m sure this will pass with time, but right now I can’t even remember what it’s like to be a sexy, loving wife.

…Not to mention that my body is totally out of whack.  How could I even attempt to feel sexy, physically, when my stomach is all mushy and covered in stretch marks?  Not to mention the giant, cottage cheese thighs, and the leakiness that continues to plague my nether regions.  (When will I quit leaking pee? — Or, will I ever quit leaking pee??)

It’s only been eight weeks, and every day is getting easier and more normal.  Well, my new normal anyway.  We’ve been able to cook and eat dinner at the table together, spend a couple hours watching T.V. and chatting, and then wrap it all up around 8:00, when I head to bed with the little one.  Even her sleep is getting a little better (a 3-3.5 hour block of sleep each night, usually followed by 3 or 2 hours, followed by another 1 — can’t complain about 6-7 hours of sleep!).

With time will come the ability to wear both of my hats again, but for now, the mommy hat will be my go-to hat.  I hope my husband recognizes me when I start wearing my wife hat again….


10 thoughts on “Mother AND Wife??

  1. wife.. friend.. mother.. employee… I’m just trying to be a person right now and get through each day. lol Would we even have the energy or time to ever make another baby? No idea. And yeah, I HATE THE SQUISHY STOMACH THING. it’s like.. I know I’ve been “heavier” than this before but my stomach never felt so “icky” to me.

  2. I blogged on this same topic a few weeks ago. Its so hard. My husband made a “joke“ about if we were ever going to have sex again. I’m thinking…I just found time to shower for the first time in 3 days and its 11pm already and I still have to pump. Now that is a lifestyle that makes us feel sexy, right? I hate my squishy tummy & stretch marks too!

    • I’m the one who keeps bringing up sex in an awkward way, but I’m more trying to gauge how he feels about the lack of lovin’. haha Like “I wonder if he’s going crazy yet…”
      I’m ready to start working out again, but I’m not going to put pressure on myself to do anything extra until I’m done breastfeeding. Then I can eat whatever I want and do whatever I want and not have to worry about my supply! I’ll just rock my maternity pants for another year….. 😉 haha

  3. You are in the VERY early stages of mommyhood, so don’t put pressure on yourself. Give it a few more months and then once you are getting more sleep things won’t seem so impossible (being in the wifey role). I wrote on this topic a while back. It is NOT written to mothers of newborns, so tuck it away for later, but it is so important to focus on marriage again once baby is a little older. 😀

    • I plan on focusing on marriage as soon as I have the energy! haha My husband is very understanding, so I’m lucky there.
      I will definitely read this and keep it in my mind for later! Thank you!

  4. I know exactly how you feel! My baby is nearly 5 months and I’m still struggling. While I’m not so worried about the baby anymore, I’m too wrapped up in running the household that I can’t wind down and relax enough to get intimate. I never expected it to be like this but it’s good to hear I’m not the only one. Thanks 🙂

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