Yowzah, Learned My Lesson!

I have found the touchiest subject on the internet, and it’s not religion.  Surprise!  It’s breastfeeding in public.  Who knew?

My post about my personal preference to not bare-breastfeed in public went over well with some, and went over terribly with others.  I was called ignorant, and accused of trying to “protect children from an important learning moment.”  Okay, I’m sorry that my preference to not have a breast out in public is so offensive to everyone.  I should have been clear and said that if you want to breastfeed in public without a cover that you should.  Oh wait, I did that? Yikes…  Okay, well, maybe I should have said that all I was asking was that you understand that some people (even breastfeeding mothers) are not always comfortable having/seeing a breast out in public, regardless of that breast being used to feed a baby.  Oh wait, that was the entire point?  Man, I really must suck at life.

I guess I was expecting a few comments like this… “Wow, that stinks that you are so uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public!  It really does make things so much easier, but I can understand that not everyone wants to do that.  I personally would not cover up if asked, but that is my personal preference.”  Instead I got some of the rudest comments I’ve ever seen.  (In case you go looking for them, I did not accept them.  No negativity on my blog, thanks.  It’s a mommy blog, people.  Be nice!  Not everyone mommies the same way you do.)

Why is everyone so angry about this?  I wrote that so that other breastfeeding mothers who have anxiety about bare-breastfeeding in public wouldn’t feel alone.  I wrote that so that people who ARE comfortable, would realize that not everyone on the planet wants to see you feed your baby in a restaurant, and it’s not because they hate you.  I was not calling you a disgusting, ugly, horrid, vile monster, I was simply trying to explain why some people may ask you to cover up.  It’s not a hatred of children, or breasts, or you, it’s because some people just do not feel comfortable.  Honestly, I am a little jealous that you are okay with it, because I am not.  My body would probably literally stop producing milk do to extreme anxiety.  So, way to go!  But being mad at me because I suggested that if a mother ask you to cover up so that she doesn’t have to explain to her children about breastfeeding at that particular moment, is ridiculous.  Think about it from the point of view of a mother who is not okay with it.  She isn’t a terrible person, she just has a different opinion than you do.  And if you don’t want to cover up?  Politely decline, stating your right to breastfeed in public.  You don’t have to hop up on the table and scream that the woman is trying to take away your rights to feed your child (that seems like the approach some of you would have taken, based on the comments I received).

Here is my preference.  I will keep my breasts under a cover in public, due to my extreme discomfort in having them out.  And yes, I have a nursing bra, but it doesn’t have a neat little hole cut out so that only my nipple shows.  The entire front of the bra comes down to expose the entire breast.  I’m sorry I don’t have the other type of nursing bra that apparently covers your entire breast except your nipple.  If I did, I still wouldn’t breastfeed in public, but I can see how that would be incredibly convenient for those who do.  You all may be surprised to learn that I even where an udder cover at home when certain family members come to visit because it would make them so tense and uncomfortable if I were to have a bare breast out.  Is it a pain to where a cover while breastfeeding?  Yes!  I understand why you wouldn’t want to!  But please don’t be mean to me about my preference.  I am not telling you to cover up, I am not calling you nasty, I am not trying to set public breastfeeding back 50 years, I am trying to explain that we don’t all want to show our breasts, and that not everyone wants to see yours.  It’s nothing personal, and I don’t think I’m being a horrible person by trying to explain this, but I guess some of you think I am.

So, to sum up, breastfeed in public or don’t.  Use a cover or don’t.  Cover up when someone asks you or don’t.  I think everyone should do whatever they want to do with regards to breastfeeding, so please don’t think I am trying to tell you what to do.  I am not.  Okay?  Is this understood?  Everyone feeling better now?  Breathe… breathe…

From now on, I will keep my ignorant thoughts of parenting to myself and try to only post things that the majority of the world agrees on.  Anyone have a list of approved topics and opinions that I could borrow?  I must have lost mine…

Grumpy mom, out!


28 thoughts on “Yowzah, Learned My Lesson!

  1. I love it! Not that you had to deal with defensive arguments because people obviously didn’t read your post either in its entirety or only deciphered what they wanted to out of it. I love the openness and honesty. I love that you don’t care what other people think and you will keep on keeping on with what you did regardless of angry comments saying you should be doing otherwise. This is a public blog, everyone has opinions, everyone who comments expresses their own opinions on their own blogs…why degrade yours with negativity? I applaud you and your stance because, frankly, I think I would feel the same exact way. I am praying that soon I am able to express opinions of my own on parenting but for now I just look forward to more of your posts as I think they are a pretty good read 🙂

    • Thank you so much! I really appreciate this! I woke up to those comments and it put me in a pretty bad mood! haha
      I am hoping you have your mommy blog soon!! No one tells you how difficult it is for some people to become a mommy. Having a mommy blog is a precious thing for some of us!

  2. I didn’t find your post ignorant and sorry if anyone called you that. That is uncalled for but it is against the law to ask anyone to cover. It would be the same as someone asking you to uncover bc they are uncomfortable with polyester.
    If you are comfortable with a cover that is awesome but what others do is their business and no one should say anything to them just because they have an issue. It’s their problem not the nursing mothers. Breastfeeding moms get a lot of flack in society and work very hard to normalize it and get equal rights to nourish their children the way they see fit, and posts like that really strike a cord when you have been on the receiving end of someone telling you you can’t feed your child somewhere. Again sorry you had so much hate that doesn’t help but while you wouldn’t want anyone telling you how to feed or parent it isn’t ok to ask someone else to be on with it. And yes I know you weren’t asking anyone specificly to cover or anything but posts like that just feed the fire of anti public feeding.

    • I certainly wouldn’t be okay with someone telling me I can’t nurse in public, and neither should anyone else. Baby has to eat! And I would hate for anyone to be offended by being asked to cover up, but I’m sure it happens, and I just wanted people to know why it may happen. It’s not because people are haters (well, some probably are), but because they literally cannot feel comfortable in that type of situation. I’m not saying that they should dictate how babies are fed, but I feel like they should be understood.

  3. Oh the fun of choosing sides on a hot parenting topic, eh? It’s your blog – your write the content. People are going to like it, some aren’t…but that’s the beauty of a public blog i guess. I’ve written a blog that got some major backlash (not on this blog site but another one) – and it’s a terrible feeling to get such nasty comments from people when you weren’t really trying to create a fight!

    Keep up the good writing and I appreciate those who share their opinions but aren’t close-minded about other ways to do things (like you!).

    • Thank you!
      I never once received any negativity on my last blog, and I wrote for over a year. I guess that’s why it surprised me so much. I hope you recovered from your rough blogging experience! I’m hoping I do not have a repeat on this post.

  4. And why can’t breast feeding be compared to defecation? I mean, truly they are both natural things. Things EVERY SINGLE person HAS no choice to do. Why don’t we defecate in public? Why do we have stalls around the toilets? (Some countries don’t.) For no reason other than for centuries we’ve been told not to… but we all have to do it, so facilities have been set up in every establishment to allow their patrons to use the bathroom, so they don’t piss in the middle of the building. (Of course, you don’t want human sewage mixing with clean areas, but still, we all poop in private in America).
    The same case can be made for breast feeding. It became a “don’t do this in public” thing, but where we are lacking is facilities to provide to breast feeding mothers. Every restaurant doesn’t have a comfortable space for a mother to breast feed. Even some employment establishments don’t! It’s shocking. Society has worked against the “ease” of breast feeding and made it so difficult to do it. You can’t tell someone to cover up but then not provide them a reasonable place to feed, right? I mean, we have people lobbying to make sure people can breast feed in public, but personally I wish there was a nice clean comfortable room at Cafe Express for me to go. I get a lot of anxiety when I am out with the baby and think, crap, what if I have to breast feed her?! I can’t do that at the grocery store. Where would I even go?! Sit down in the middle of the aisle?!
    And, by the way, I do wish people who left comments would learn proper ways of leaving comments that disagree with the blogger. Like there was one person who left a respectful comment disagreeing with you, and that was appropriate. Sorry you had to experience the people who are not so great with their words.

    • There are countries without stall walls?! I would die… literally die… if I had to poop in front of other people. I don’t even poop in front of my husband (unless accidentally doing it during labor counts, but we are going to pretend that never happened).
      I wish there were a nice room to do it in too! The outlet mall near us has a nice room with a chair and a lock on the door. Now, there is only ONE room with ONE chair, which isn’t great for all the mothers who wish to nurse in private, but it’s better than anywhere else I’ve been! I don’t see what is so wrong with being uncomfortable with something, even if it is a natural part of life. Not everyone feels the same way about things. That’s why I was so shocked by the nasty comments. There was no need for that.
      It’s alright. I expected some disagreement, but wow, they did not have to be SO incredibly rude. If I do not agree with a blogger, I just don’t leave a comment. Not that I am against hearing another persons opinion, but I would prefer if they could be nice about it. Yeesh!
      The biggest problem is that people seem to think I’m saying that being told they can’t breastfeed somewhere because someone is uncomfortable is okay. That is not at all what I’ve been saying. I’m talking about someone requesting, nicely, that if you wouldn’t mind covering up, they’d appreciate it. Not someone telling you to get out of their restaurant because your boob makes them feel all funny. It’s weird that it’s not coming across right! I tried though! 🙂

      • first off, yes. some countries don’t have any stalls, and in fact it’s just a hole in the ground.

        And on coming across clearly with your message…Well, no matter how you write it, there will be some people who just think it doesn’t matter how anyone else feels about it, people shouldn’t even be allowed to request a behavior change (as that one blogger wrote, it’s illegal to in some state).
        I think someone always has a right to request a behavior change of someone, that person just doesn’t have to oblige.
        I do think, in the case of breast feeding, people should just get over it if someone has their boob out in public. I just think, whatevers. Maybe because now my boob feels less like a boob and more like … I don’t know what it feels like. It doesn’t feel like mine anymore though, that’s for sure! I could never have it out in public, but I am so who cares about anyone else’s boob.
        I guess there is definitely a conflict where women’s breasts are objectified and on display all the time in ads and movies and tv (not fully displayed, but in some instances and magazine covers, almost). So it’s annoying that it’s “ok” for those to be on display, but not for a nursing mother to have hers out. If that makes sense. It’s ok to an extent in one circumstance, but so many people have a problem with it in the more “natural” circumstance.

      • I agree, a woman should be allowed to have her breast out and feed her baby. I am not at all arguing about the legality of the boob out, only about the comfort of others. If I were one to be okay with a boob out, and someone asks me to cover up, I would do it. Absolutely. That’s why I wear a cover when certain relatives and friends are over.
        I would be upset if someone told me I could not feed my baby (even with a cover) though. Babies have to eat, I have the goods to feed them, and it is illegal in our state (NC) to tell a mother she cannot breastfeed in public.
        Recently, I went out to lunch with a friend. She breastfed (uncovered) at the table, and I asked if we could get our food to go so that I could breastfeed at her house. We both understood that we each had a different way of nursing and feeling comfortable. It’s all about everyone playing nice and being understanding of each other.
        That’s just my opinion though! 😉

      • I agree with you 🙂 And I think moms should be working WITH other moms, not against other moms. The issues are definitely not “all or nothing” “black or white” sorts of things. We should definitely be supporting each other, because damn motherhood is hard!!

      • Well it’s true it’s a health hazard, so that’s why we don’t do it on the street, but we still do it behind closed doors in America. We have stalls because we don’t want to “see” other people’s private parts, and the stalls have nothing to do with the health hazard part of it. As I said, in other parts of the world they have no stalls, and it’s not a big deal that people see you using the bathroom. It’s a societal thing.

      • but we do eat in public. Just because it is not the same way you eat doesn’t mean it should be done behind a stall like when useing the bathroom. You asked why it shouldn’t be compared to bfing. Because they are no where near the same. People show more boob in a V neck then most do while breast feeding.

      • Okay, I agree with you. It was an exaggerated point. And I agree, there is way more skin shown on the front of a magazine cover than while breast feeding. (and if you’ve read my comments you’ll know that I am pro breast feeding in public) However, I also wish that facilities would have a location that I could breast feed in because I personally am not comfortable nor confident in manipulating my breast and getting my baby to latch on while in a store or restaurant. I have large breasts and not all nursing tops work, and then the nursing bra has to unhook, etc. Anyway, I would not be comfortable doing this at a table with my inlaws, or even my dad (that’s just me) but it would be great if I could go to a room at the restaurant or store, where I could feed my baby rather than having to go to the car or not be able to feed my baby at all.

      • I agree there should be nursing rooms in all locations and that is why I go to meetings and help with petitions to get these things implemented. I am for a woman’s right to feed any way she is comfortable any where she wants. And I get very defensive when others are not the same or suggest it is ok to ask someone to feed covered just to make them more comfortable. I wouldn’t eat a burger covered up to appease a vegetarian, I will not cover my baby breast feeding to appease anyone either.

      • Sure 😉 I enjoyed reading your opinion. Don’t let the haters discourage your freedom of opinion and expression. 🙂
        And I’m glad to know there are others like me that feel uncomfortable about boobs in public.

  5. Oh, I feel your blogging pain. :/ I wrote a post asking my readers to share their experience with circumcising/not circumcising their son(s) and WOW, the responses were at times hard for me to hear! http://atlantamomofthree.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/circumcision/ Mostly what was difficult for me was the suggestions that we were barbaric or abusive. Most comments (even disagreeing ones) were NOT rude, but a few made me cringe. I closed comments when they just kept coming.
    I had to do a follow-up post the next day just like you because I hadn’t been trying to write about a “Hot Topic”, and yet, I had! http://atlantamomofthree.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/a-note-about-wdyt-posts/
    What’s comical about it is that I wrote the circumcision post on my birthday! lol I learned my lesson!!

    • I have seen some pretty insane postings about circumcision on my Facebook alone. I look forward to reading these tomorrow! Sorry you had to go through that on your birthday! Maybe I’ll skip posting on my birthday… just in case! 🙂

      • Well I had no idea it was something people got up in arms about! It is culturally normal here and most people do it (kinda like vaccines, I guess), so I didn’t know I was starting anything. haha
        Yeah, avoid birthday controversial posting at all costs! 😉

      • Oh my, the vaccine thing is getting a little out of control lately as well. Normal schedule, delayed schedule, no vaccinations… I’ve seen some pretty brutal arguments about this too. I’d stay away from this topic on your next birthday. haha

  6. Don’t you dare alter what you want to write about because of a few rude people!!! I for one have really been enjoying your posts and I agree with you on many things. Keep up the good work! 🙂

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