My Dogs Are A**holes

Hi, everyone!  I know, it’s been a while, but life with a baby is a bit more non-stop than I had imagined.  I mean, I knew it would be pretty crazy, but I wasn’t aware that as soon as she went to sleep, I’d sit down somewhere in the house and just stare off into space.  Sometimes I do some work (cleaning, or actual work that I do), but sometimes I just sit there, doing nothing.  My husband probably worries that the lights have all burnt out upstairs and the store no longer carries the correct bulbs, but I think it’ll pass when little E is in school, or married, or something.

Anyway, you want to know about my dogs, right?  Well, they are assholes.  I’m tired of sugar coating it (sort of) with my husband, so I thought I’d let you all know how I’m really feeling.  I wake up everyday and not only do I have a kid and a husband to worry about, but I also have two dogs.  They used to just be kind of annoying, before E came around, but now they send my blood pressure through the roof at least 2,014 times a day.  They bark (I know, dogs bark), they poop and pee IN THE HOUSE, they vomit IN THE HOUSE, one of them sheds an entire dogs worth of hair every hour, and one of them eats its own shit, and then tries to lick my daughters face.  I know my husband finds it annoying, but he doesn’t find it blood boilingly maddening, like I do, and I can’t understand why.  Does dog shit, pee, vomit, and hair not sound gross to anyone else?  I mean, does it sound like I’m saying rainbows, unicorns, and sunshine?  I know the dogs are important to him, and I sort of still like them, sometimes, a little, but he isn’t home with them ALL DAY.  He doesn’t put the baby down for a nap and have them start barking because MOMMY LEFT THE ROOM!! SHE LEFT!! WHERE IS SHE??  UPSTAIRS??? HOW CAN WE KNOW THAT FOR SURE IF WE CAN’T SEE HER?!  Or they bark because a truck drives by, or the wind blows, or maybe they just feel like it.  I don’t know.  And the worst part is that even if he is home with them, they don’t act like assholes.  If daddy is home, they are (most of the time) perfectly behaved little turds.

They have also learned to escape the gate on the bottom of the stairs.  This means that if I put E down for a nap, then I take my 20 alone time minutes to shower, they break through the gate, come to the gate at the top of the stairs (which, luckily, is impenetrable for them, but not able to be used at the bottom of the stairs) and bark and whine, which wakes the baby up because they are five feet from her door.  Yes, my dogs have learned how to unlatch a gate, but can’t seem to grasp the concept of “don’t shit in the house”.  Seems a little fishy to me.