I Live In A Fog of Exhaustion…

This is what I told my husband last night, after he said he wasn’t surprised with how many injuries I’ve had lately since, as he said, “you are always exhausted”.  He’s right, although I hate to admit complete defeat when I only have one small child, and some of your out there have three, four, five…. (I honestly don’t know how you do it.  Do you have back-up batteries implanted somewhere?)  I have to just come out and own up to the fact that I am run down.  Constantly tired, constantly aching, and constantly longing to spend more than three minutes at a time sitting on the couch.  I mean, I really want to sit on the couch and have no responsibilities.  A lot.  I find myself staring at the couch, longing to sit on it and rest my aching butt.  My butt, which is constantly grinding it’s protruding bones into the hardwood floors for ten hours a day.  My back aches from picking up a 20 something pound toddler all day, or leaning over to hold her hands as she walks.  My knee, which I pulled something in two weeks ago is still swollen, and on occasion will give out and cause a searing amount of pain.  It also hurts at night while I try to sleep, unless I dose myself with Aleve before bed.  My foot, which I injured over two months ago, still hurts, especially in the morning after it’s been resting all night.  I’ve never had injuries for this long.  I usually heal quite quickly, but my body just doesn’t have it in it anymore, and I know it’s only going to get worse as she is more on the move.

So what’s the solution?  Is there a solution?  Do I continue to suffer through it, pop pills, and ice my aching parts as often as possible, or do I call in backup, even though it makes me feel like a total waste of a mommy.  My in-laws live nearby now, and they love watching E, but it always makes me feel guilty when I need their help because they never had help when they were raising their boys.  If they had had help would they have used it?  I guarantee it!  But they didn’t have that helped, and they survived.  So why can’t I?

I need to heal.  I need to feel confident walking up and down stairs while holding my daughter.  I need to not have to take Aleve every night.  (I hate taking drugs if I can possibly help it).  I need to eat better, and start taking a vitamin again (maybe that will help combat a bit of the exhaustion).  I need to keep working on things for my Etsy shop (and upcoming craft festival).  I need to vacuum, and wash dishes, and do laundry, and dust, and get E out of the house to socialize with kids her age.

I wonder if I ever thought that being a stay at home mom was easy.  I can’t remember ever thinking that, but it probably happened.  I mean, all they do all day is watch tv and eat goldfish, right??

 

 

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2 thoughts on “I Live In A Fog of Exhaustion…

  1. Whoah nelly. You DO need time to heal/recoup. Though working is stressful, it’s a very different kind of stressful than being at home all day with a person you can’t have a conversation with. Work provides me from a break from motherhood which is VITAL. VITAL!!! You need that too, more than in just naps.
    That’s why “mothers day out” programs were created because moms NEED that time! Of course those are expensive, and I am not suggesting you enroll her in one, just that you see that there is nothing wrong with you that you need some time away from being mom.
    I am really happy you are starting up your etsy business. It’s so important to have passions/interests and activities that aren’t just your child. It’s so difficult though to MAKE time for them. If I wasn’t forced to be at work, it would be hard to be here sometimes!

    • Yea, I mean, it’s wonderful staying at home with her, but it is ten solid hours a day of entertaining a toddler by myself. Who, as you mentioned, cannot have a conversation with me. It can be a little maddening, and when you’re feeling bad/tired/injured, there is no way out of it, you just have to do it all. No more sick days! lol

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