I Live In A Fog of Exhaustion…

This is what I told my husband last night, after he said he wasn’t surprised with how many injuries I’ve had lately since, as he said, “you are always exhausted”.  He’s right, although I hate to admit complete defeat when I only have one small child, and some of your out there have three, four, five…. (I honestly don’t know how you do it.  Do you have back-up batteries implanted somewhere?)  I have to just come out and own up to the fact that I am run down.  Constantly tired, constantly aching, and constantly longing to spend more than three minutes at a time sitting on the couch.  I mean, I really want to sit on the couch and have no responsibilities.  A lot.  I find myself staring at the couch, longing to sit on it and rest my aching butt.  My butt, which is constantly grinding it’s protruding bones into the hardwood floors for ten hours a day.  My back aches from picking up a 20 something pound toddler all day, or leaning over to hold her hands as she walks.  My knee, which I pulled something in two weeks ago is still swollen, and on occasion will give out and cause a searing amount of pain.  It also hurts at night while I try to sleep, unless I dose myself with Aleve before bed.  My foot, which I injured over two months ago, still hurts, especially in the morning after it’s been resting all night.  I’ve never had injuries for this long.  I usually heal quite quickly, but my body just doesn’t have it in it anymore, and I know it’s only going to get worse as she is more on the move.

So what’s the solution?  Is there a solution?  Do I continue to suffer through it, pop pills, and ice my aching parts as often as possible, or do I call in backup, even though it makes me feel like a total waste of a mommy.  My in-laws live nearby now, and they love watching E, but it always makes me feel guilty when I need their help because they never had help when they were raising their boys.  If they had had help would they have used it?  I guarantee it!  But they didn’t have that helped, and they survived.  So why can’t I?

I need to heal.  I need to feel confident walking up and down stairs while holding my daughter.  I need to not have to take Aleve every night.  (I hate taking drugs if I can possibly help it).  I need to eat better, and start taking a vitamin again (maybe that will help combat a bit of the exhaustion).  I need to keep working on things for my Etsy shop (and upcoming craft festival).  I need to vacuum, and wash dishes, and do laundry, and dust, and get E out of the house to socialize with kids her age.

I wonder if I ever thought that being a stay at home mom was easy.  I can’t remember ever thinking that, but it probably happened.  I mean, all they do all day is watch tv and eat goldfish, right??

 

 

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I’ve Been Doing A LOT Of Not Sleeping

We have been busy… not sleeping.  We’ve been not sleeping a lot lately!  It’s really exhausting to be doing all of this not sleeping everyday!  Whew…

Due to our not sleeping, my baby girl has been very moody, and totally not interested in anything besides eating and taking lots of quicky naps.  I set her on the carpet in her play room today, and instead of immediately rolling onto her side to grab her giraffe toy, she laid on her back, didn’t move a muscle, and stared at me for 20 minutes.  No amount of prodding would convince her to play.  So I brought her into the living room, sat in my chair, and tried nursing her.  She kept drifting off, but not taking a great nap.  She won’t sleep in my lap anymore…. she wants to sleep laying down in the bed with me.  I understand, I like being upstairs better too.  I don’t mind being up there all day, but I do get quite hungry!  I need to invest in a mini fridge or some granola bars or something….

…or maybe my baby girl needs to sleep at night?  Hmm…

Tomorrow I have a play date starting at 11:30.  I’m nervous.  This is the first time in a week we’ve had plans that last a few hours.  We’ve been going up for a nap around 12:30 or 1:00 and she has been nursing for 20 minutes and napping for 2-3 hours.  What will happen tomorrow without her nap??  I mean, our nighttime sleep is pretty terrible already.  Waking up every hour and all.  I guess I will just continue to co-sleep with her in the guest bedroom until she starts sleeping longer again.  I think I’m ready for her to sleep in her crib, but there is no chance I’m getting up and running in there every hour!  Not to mention she won’t nurse in her glider, so I have to bring her into another room to nurse her….. because she won’t fall asleep without nursing!  Oh my gosh… there are so many problems with our sleeping!   Oh well… I will just say that I am SO glad that I am not having to go to work on top of this insane sleep “schedule.”  To all you mothers out there who do have to do that…. I wish I could give you all a hug and a Starbucks gift card, but since I cannot, just remember that it’s the thought that counts….