I Had A Bad Reaction To Your Public Hobby Writing

There are so many people on this planet.  So many.  Over 7 billion now, and that is mind blowing!  What worries me about all of these people, are they things that they say and believe.  Most people say somewhat normal things, and they don’t really irk my nerves, but then some people say things and all I can think about is punching them in the throat.  I’m not a violent person, normally, but people saying horrible, idiotic, bigoted, hurtful things based on pure nonsense is damaging not only to my brain cells, but to all the people in the world who are easily influenced into believing whatever they are told, as long as someone has a fancy blog to write it on.  (Notice that my blog is not fancy, so you can trust me!)

Here it is, plain and simple, Matt Walsh is a horrible role model.  I’ll admit that I loved some of his earlier stuff.  Like, when he said that people should put their carts back at the grocery store.  Right on!  I can get behind that!  I hate pulling into a parking spot to find a cart blocking it.  First world problems, right?  But some of his newer “work” has mentioned things such as parents of a transgender girl who should be considered abusers because there is no way that a child could know they are a different gender, that gay couples could never have marriage equality because they could never be equal, seeing as how they do not have the ability to make babies, and I believe I read something about how suicide is the most cowardly thing you could ever do, but I think my rage blacked out my memory on that one.  The suicide one was written right after Robin Williams killed himself.  Mr. Walsh claimed that he was also sad and has battled depression, but that he never killed himself… blah blah blah.  Here is the deal, you can NEVER know what someone is going through.  Ever.  I will never know every thought my husband has no matter how many hours, days, or years I spend talking to him.  So if you can sit there and judge someone who has suffered from substance abuse, a life of depression, and a diagnoses of Parkinson’s disease, then you are no someone that should not be spouting your word vomit all over the internet for all the other haters out there.

These types of people spew hatred and keep our world from evolving and growing with love and tolerance for everyone.  I hate to break it to some of you, but homosexual people have existed since the beginning of time (and not the beginning of Biblical time, but actual time).  They are not new, and they are not here to destroy the world, or ruin your marriage, or, I don’t know, whatever else some of you think they do (dance too good?).  They are only who they are, who they were born, and it’s not a lot to ask of you to get over yourselves as the supreme couples and see that they just love each other.  They aren’t doing anything wrong by loving each other.  They deserve to have their love recognized, just as you do.  They deserve to raise children, take them to Disney, dance at their weddings.  As soon as you can get over your prejudice and your “ickies” (which I assume is what you have a serious case of) then we can all live happily ever after and focus on truly horrible things in our world that need to be taken care of.  Like, staving children, cancer, climate change (yes, I’m also one of those).  We have to put our energy into helping, not hurting.  Hate breeds hate.  Let’s breed love, and lots of it!

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A Big House

I grew up in a tiny house.  Some would call it a trailer, but I’ve never understood why it is important to distinguish.  It was a single wide (meaning itty bitty), had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a living room and a kitchen.  That was it.  We actually had one bedroom that was so full of crap (did I mention that our house had no storage whatsoever?) that my parents didn’t even sleep in there, they slept on the couch.  They (still) have a huge sectional sofa and each side is long enough for a sleeping adult.  It worked well for them because my dad is ascared of burglars.  So our family of four lived in a house with no room to roam.  You could hear everyone anywhere.  There was almost no privacy, unless you locked yourself in the bathroom (which I did quite frequently), and we all lived to tell the tale.  I wouldn’t call it ideal, but I wouldn’t call it the worst thing in the world either.  So that brings me to my real reason for writing this post…

I am tired of the gigantic houses, and I am guilty of living in one.  I’m not saying this to brag, quite the opposite actually, I say this because I am ashamed.  Not ashamed that my husband and I have done well enough in life to be able to live in a big house, but I am ashamed that I felt this size house was necessary.  As our neighborhood expands, I walk down the street and I see thousands of trees that are marked for death.  They have to go down to make room for the new houses.  Birds sing in the branches that, in just a few days, will no longer exist, except in a pile of tree dust that will line our perfectly formed flower beds.  The squirrels race each other around the trunks, playing in the only place they’ve ever known, not knowing that soon they will be re-homed, or worse, killed during the clearing.  These animals, these trees, they all die because of us.  Us humans who need 3,000 square foot houses, with big front yards, large driveways, and even bigger backyards for our dogs.  How could we possibly live without a walk-in closet?  What would we do without our loft, our playroom, our kitchen with counter space enough to hold  feast for 50?  What would happen if we didn’t have a huge soaker tub and two sinks?  Without our large garages, we may have to park on the street!  I have all of these things, yet it makes me sick to think about the things that are destroyed because of it.  And to see that our house is the smallest in the neighborhood at 2,700 sqft, it blows my mind.  This is too much house for anyone, especially our small family of three.

Why do we, as a society, continue to think that bigger is better?  People used to live in houses that were smaller than my little trailer I just described.  And this was when there was plenty of land, and A LOT less people.  (Fun fact, did you know that in the past 24 years, the earths population has grown by over 2 billion people?  From just over 5 billion to now (last I heard) to 7.3 billion?  Learned that from a book I love called A Last Chance To See, a book that probably spurred this post).  Why have we suddenly decided that our children need to have a bedroom, a play room, and a loft?  I had a bedroom that I shared with my sister (not that that was ever ideal) and I had outside.  But we can’t just send our kids outside anymore, especially not in these huge neighborhoods.  People drive too fast, or snatch kids off the street.  I try not to be paranoid, but every time I see a small kid (5-10 years old) riding his bike down the street alone, I get queasy.  But why?  My friends and I used to walk around our neighborhoods from sun up to sun down, and I’m not that old either (30 – eek).  Why is it that even though we live in these too huge neighborhoods, with their too huge price tags, that we are still afraid of bad people?  It just shows that a bigger house and more money are not the answer in life.  It doesn’t bring you peace of mind, it doesn’t bring you added security.  What it does is bring you more space to clean inside your home, more chances to wonder if your child is safe when she crawls out of your site, more silence from your spouse who is not only in another room, but on another floor.  It is separating us from our families and ourselves.  Sometimes I cannot sleep because I’m thinking about all the things that need to be cleaned, that I most likely will never get to, because why?  We don’t even use those rooms!

I think the destruction of the woods, forests, and lands is getting overwhelming.  I see it daily in our town, because our town is growing by the thousands each year.  The demand for housing continues to rise, and the houses must be huge!  The trees must ALL come down to make way for the screened in porches, patios, and outdoor fireplaces.  The plants who thrive must be dug up and tossed into the street for the street sweeper (yes, we have one of those), to make way for pretty plants who won’t come back up next year.  For plants who are deer resistant, because why should we feed the animals who inhabit our area?  Why are they still even here?  Shoo, you annoying creatures, do you even have a home anymore?

I know there is no way to stop this need.  This desire for the biggest and the best.  I know this, mainly, because I walk down the street with the 6,00 sqft houses, and I begin to drool.  They’re all brick, they have wrap around porches, two decks, three car garages, and I want that.  I ask myself why, and don’t have an answer other than “it’s pretty”.  That’s not good enough.  We have to stop destroying so much just so our houses can be HGTV worthy.  We have to consider the planet, and the fact that tearing down acres and acres of trees is not going to be healed by us planting one tree by the sidewalk in front of each house.  That tree is not going to support the life of all the animals, it’s not even going to support the life of us if this trend continues.  We have to start worrying about what we are doing in the name of luxury, in the name of pretty, in the name of I gotta have it all, because once we’ve taken it all….

A Migraine and A Toddler

Oh, say it isn’t so!  I felt it coming on in the middle of the night.  I tossed and turned, hoped and wished, growled and begged, “Please, please don’t turn into a massive headache!”  I took two Aleve and laid back down.  Aleve have the power to put me to sleep, and I saw that as a good sign as the darkness started to close over my eyes.  I knew I had got to it in time.  I had defeated the headache monster!

Oh, how wrong I was.  The little one was up and at em at her normal time, and all I could feel was the headache.  Always over my right eye.  Same spot every time, since the beginning of time.  I thought breakfast would help.  Nope.  Water?  Nope.  Snack?  Nope.  Maybe a nap while E was down.  She slept for two, I took a hot shower and slept for 1.5.  Woke up worse.  Called my mother in law to tell her we weren’t coming to visit, due to head explosion possibilities, and she said she understood.  Ten minutes later she called to tell me that she was in the car on her way to pick up E and give me a couple hours of quiet.  Apparently she had heard E screaming “TIGER TIGER TIGER” in the background and took pity on me.  It helps that she loves her little E so very much!  I spent 30 minutes in a bath and then 2 hours in bed.

Sad to say, it is still here.  I’ve even snuck in another dose of Aleve in all of this mess (just one more).  I’ve never had a migraine for more than 18 hours, so I’m crossing my fingers that the next two hours brings me relief.  If not, the Mexican food that my husband is on his way home with should at least help.

I will say that a migraine and a toddler mixed together might be the absolute pits.  There is just no way to watch Daniel Tiger all day, enjoy the screeching, or run around on the floor all day to entertain the little one when your head feels like it’s going to explode.  No way to be super mommy.  It is absolutely a debilitating feeling to not be able to function or take care of your little one as well as you want.

Please, please, headache.  Go away!

Hey, Honey, How Was Your Day?

Hey!  Oh, so glad you’re home!  It’s been a crazy long day!  I need an adult to talk to! 

Oh yea?

Yea!  E got up right after you left, around 6:30.  Massive poopy!  HUGE!  So gross!  Had to put her jammies in the wash because her diaper leaked from the amount of pee!  That girl really can pee!

She sure can!

So then we just played for a little bit upstairs.  Read her ladybug book about 20 times.  She knows all the animals in the book.  Ten of them!  Pretty smart cookie we have on our hands!

*Buzzzz — Husband picks up phone to play game*

Okay, so then we went downstairs to eat…

mmm

She had yogurt, grits, and cheerios.  I always like the days when she will eat what I give her in the morning!  At least I know we have one meal of the day she won’t fight!  She drank an entire cup of milk before she was done too.

….*still playing game*

Then I set her in the living room with her toys and watched her play while I did the dishes.

*Buzz.*

Anyway, she knows how to put all of the animal pieces into her toy to make the music go off!  Knows which goes in front and which goes in back!  She used to get so frustrated just a couple days ago, but now she’s mastered it.  She enjoys the pig the most.

After I was done with the dishes we played and watched Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street.  She absolutely LOVES Daniel Tiger more and more everyday.  Says “tiger!” as soon as she sees him!  It is so cute!  And of course she goes absolutely mad when Elmo comes on.  She holds him and watches and dances with him.  Adorable.

She’s a cutie!

She sure is!  Then we did lunch, which was a fight for sure!  Tried chicken nuggets, of course she wanted nothing to do with them.  Tried bananas, wasn’t having those either.  I ended up going with cheese, yogurt melts, and puff ems.  Not great, but at least I got something in her.  It’s tough to have a picky eater!  I mean, what are we going to feed her tonight?

Dunno.  What do you think?

No clue.  Probably a tub of Gerber something.  At least she’s letting me spoon feed her stuff again.  Those at least have some other fruits in them!  She’s going to turn into a banana if she keeps eating them like she normally does.  Except for today, of course.

Banana baby! *buzz*

*sigh – growl*  SO then she slept for about an hour and 15 minutes.  Not too long, but at least I got a shower and was able to fold a little laundry.

….

Then we played, had a snack, and blew bubbles on the porch.  Thought about going for a walk but it was really hot outside.  We could barely stay out on the porch to blow bubbles.  She crawled right to the door to let me know she was ready to go in.  Such a big girl.  Knows what she wants!

She sure does!

So, how was your day?

Fine. *buzz*

Like/Dislike

This might be the first of many posts with a like/dislike listing system.  I have a lot of time to think about things I like as a mommy/wife/human, while I am reading the same book to E for the 105th time in an hour.  So, here I go…

 

I like this thing…

Aquatopia (your knees are messed up already from crawling around on the floor all day) bath mat kneeler
Aquatopia your knees are messed up already from crawling around on the floor all day bath mat kneeler

This bath mat has seriously saved my life.  Okay, so, I recently realized how important knees are.  I know, you assume they are important because of the walking and kicking and stuff, but you don’t really and truly understand how important they are until one of them isn’t working properly.  Since I have had a knee injury for the past three weeks, there is no way I would have been able to do bath time without this thing.  I guess I could have folded up a towel and put it under my knee, but this is better.  Get one.

 

I dislike diapers.

Yes, that’s right, I’m mad at diapers.  All diapers.  Disposable, cloth, overnight, I don’t care, you all suck lately.  Well, okay, the Target diapers aren’t so bad, but the cloth and the overnight diapers are not my friends right now.  Why do you keep leaking??  We were doing so well, cloth.  I’d put you on her while she took a nap and it would save me 1-2 diapers a day.  That could be up to 14 diapers a week!  If you multiply that by 52 weeks, you get a number.  Now, every time I put one of you on her, you leak.  And I’m not sure if you’ve teamed up with the overnight diapers to ruin my entire world, but those are leaking every night too!  What the hell, guys.  I thought we had a deal?  I pay money for you, and you do your damn job!  No more leaks, this is your final warning.  Don’t make me buy more of you and suffer through it because there is no other alternative!  I’ll do it!!

 

I like splitting mac and cheese.

Emmy loves mac and cheese.  The old fashioned Kraft kind, which happens to be mommy’s favorite.  We eat it at least once a week, and I get to blame eating it on her.  “I didn’t have time to make anything else after I made hers!”  Ah, it’s brilliant!  I get to eat like I’m five again (or a college student).  I wonder what I’ll do when she’s too old or too cool for mac and cheese?  I guess I’ll have to own up to loving it like an adult.  Until then….

 

I love this thing…

Mommy's Special Helper
Mommy’s Special Helper

Some mommies out there may know this as an “idiot box,” as it has come to the attention of the world that TV’s make children stupid.  I know quite a few of you types of mommies, and I just want to say that I don’t judge you one bit.  The world is a strange place with the ability to Google and hear every single persons opinion on every single thing on the planet.  It’s exhausting, and if the world says no TV until three, well then by God that is what you will do.  After all, you’d hate for your child to turn out as horribly stupid as you.  You watched way too much TV as a child, and now look at you, barely able to function in life without driving your car off a cliff, or set the house on fire, or forgetting to feed the dog for two weeks.  Wait…

This magic box lets me do a few things (every now and then, since E is only interested if someone is singing or dancing).  It let’s me do dishes, go pee, let the dogs out, and, on occasion, eat food.  If I could give this thing a hug, or a back rub, or a glass of wine, I’d do it.  Gladly.  Sesame street, and for some reason Ellen, help mommy get things done.  Bonus points for E because mommy also loves Ellen.  More bonus points because Ellen does not feature Elmo.

 

I Live In A Fog of Exhaustion…

This is what I told my husband last night, after he said he wasn’t surprised with how many injuries I’ve had lately since, as he said, “you are always exhausted”.  He’s right, although I hate to admit complete defeat when I only have one small child, and some of your out there have three, four, five…. (I honestly don’t know how you do it.  Do you have back-up batteries implanted somewhere?)  I have to just come out and own up to the fact that I am run down.  Constantly tired, constantly aching, and constantly longing to spend more than three minutes at a time sitting on the couch.  I mean, I really want to sit on the couch and have no responsibilities.  A lot.  I find myself staring at the couch, longing to sit on it and rest my aching butt.  My butt, which is constantly grinding it’s protruding bones into the hardwood floors for ten hours a day.  My back aches from picking up a 20 something pound toddler all day, or leaning over to hold her hands as she walks.  My knee, which I pulled something in two weeks ago is still swollen, and on occasion will give out and cause a searing amount of pain.  It also hurts at night while I try to sleep, unless I dose myself with Aleve before bed.  My foot, which I injured over two months ago, still hurts, especially in the morning after it’s been resting all night.  I’ve never had injuries for this long.  I usually heal quite quickly, but my body just doesn’t have it in it anymore, and I know it’s only going to get worse as she is more on the move.

So what’s the solution?  Is there a solution?  Do I continue to suffer through it, pop pills, and ice my aching parts as often as possible, or do I call in backup, even though it makes me feel like a total waste of a mommy.  My in-laws live nearby now, and they love watching E, but it always makes me feel guilty when I need their help because they never had help when they were raising their boys.  If they had had help would they have used it?  I guarantee it!  But they didn’t have that helped, and they survived.  So why can’t I?

I need to heal.  I need to feel confident walking up and down stairs while holding my daughter.  I need to not have to take Aleve every night.  (I hate taking drugs if I can possibly help it).  I need to eat better, and start taking a vitamin again (maybe that will help combat a bit of the exhaustion).  I need to keep working on things for my Etsy shop (and upcoming craft festival).  I need to vacuum, and wash dishes, and do laundry, and dust, and get E out of the house to socialize with kids her age.

I wonder if I ever thought that being a stay at home mom was easy.  I can’t remember ever thinking that, but it probably happened.  I mean, all they do all day is watch tv and eat goldfish, right??

 

 

My Dogs Are A**holes

Hi, everyone!  I know, it’s been a while, but life with a baby is a bit more non-stop than I had imagined.  I mean, I knew it would be pretty crazy, but I wasn’t aware that as soon as she went to sleep, I’d sit down somewhere in the house and just stare off into space.  Sometimes I do some work (cleaning, or actual work that I do), but sometimes I just sit there, doing nothing.  My husband probably worries that the lights have all burnt out upstairs and the store no longer carries the correct bulbs, but I think it’ll pass when little E is in school, or married, or something.

Anyway, you want to know about my dogs, right?  Well, they are assholes.  I’m tired of sugar coating it (sort of) with my husband, so I thought I’d let you all know how I’m really feeling.  I wake up everyday and not only do I have a kid and a husband to worry about, but I also have two dogs.  They used to just be kind of annoying, before E came around, but now they send my blood pressure through the roof at least 2,014 times a day.  They bark (I know, dogs bark), they poop and pee IN THE HOUSE, they vomit IN THE HOUSE, one of them sheds an entire dogs worth of hair every hour, and one of them eats its own shit, and then tries to lick my daughters face.  I know my husband finds it annoying, but he doesn’t find it blood boilingly maddening, like I do, and I can’t understand why.  Does dog shit, pee, vomit, and hair not sound gross to anyone else?  I mean, does it sound like I’m saying rainbows, unicorns, and sunshine?  I know the dogs are important to him, and I sort of still like them, sometimes, a little, but he isn’t home with them ALL DAY.  He doesn’t put the baby down for a nap and have them start barking because MOMMY LEFT THE ROOM!! SHE LEFT!! WHERE IS SHE??  UPSTAIRS??? HOW CAN WE KNOW THAT FOR SURE IF WE CAN’T SEE HER?!  Or they bark because a truck drives by, or the wind blows, or maybe they just feel like it.  I don’t know.  And the worst part is that even if he is home with them, they don’t act like assholes.  If daddy is home, they are (most of the time) perfectly behaved little turds.

They have also learned to escape the gate on the bottom of the stairs.  This means that if I put E down for a nap, then I take my 20 alone time minutes to shower, they break through the gate, come to the gate at the top of the stairs (which, luckily, is impenetrable for them, but not able to be used at the bottom of the stairs) and bark and whine, which wakes the baby up because they are five feet from her door.  Yes, my dogs have learned how to unlatch a gate, but can’t seem to grasp the concept of “don’t shit in the house”.  Seems a little fishy to me.

 

Assholes….

Not Sure About This…

So, my blogging is getting worse and worse.  Not just writing, but reading too.  I seem to be tired of the blog world.  I have been going hard core with the blogging since June 2011, so I’m guessing I’m just burnt out.  It makes me sad, but I think it has a lot to do with the theme of my blog always being about babies.  Trying to make a baby, being pregnant with a baby, and having a baby.  There are so many other mommy bloggers out there who do a better job of describing what being a mommy is like.  They are funny, witty, loving, caring, stressed, tired, and overall amazing.  I feel like I just come on here, describe the last three weeks and that’s it.  No one wants to read that kind of blog when they have others that are interesting and hilarious.  Heck, I don’t even like to proof read my blog.  Yikes.  I bore myself!

So, I am thinking about using this blog to write about other things.  Things not related to be a mommy, but that may mention being a mommy (after all, it is what I do).  My next five or six entries are going completely rogue.  Totally off topic.  I want to spice it up.  I hope to start soon, but my time is limited with the little lady.  Hoping to get one out on the weekend.  We will see how it goes!  For now I’ve got a moody baby to soothe!

I hope you all like the change up…. when I get around to it!

Check Out My Story!

Today and tomorrow I will be featured as a guest post over at Valerie’s blog AtlantaMomOfThree.  Today will be my story of growing up with PCOS and not knowing it!  Tomorrow’s post will include my story of trying to conceive and how that eventually lead to my diagnoses.  

I hope you enjoy my story, and also enjoy Valerie’s blog!